books and reading cycles

When I think over my lifetime of reading books, I look at what I own now, and what I used to have, in my twenties and thirties. I find that I want to go back and read books that I read when I was 25, and haven't read since. Books like yesterday's post about Ray Bradbury - I know I read Fahrenheit 451 when I was a teenager, and I know I read Something Wicked This Way Comes (thanks for the comment, Chris; see my previous post, it reminded me of this!) in my 20's. But do I still own the books? No. I gave them away, sold them, lent them, over so many moves they were not among the ones I managed to keep with me. So now, many years later, it's time to revisit them. And that is what this post is about: reading cycles, and revisiting books read long ago. Does anyone else do this? Do you find yourself thinking back to the first fantasy or sf books, or romance, or mystery, or classics, that you were reading then? Do you miss them? I do. Did you give them away, or are they still with you? I wish I still had Sylvia Plath's Ariel, and The Bell Jar, which I read in my late teen's. My early Charles de Lint (and I had everything he wrote before I went to England), Stephen King, gone. So many books, that I let go of over the years, mostly due to my moving so often, I think. I would look at my books and think of what I hadn't read yet, and get rid of it if I hadn't (unless I knew I was going to read it shortly).

So how did I let them go? And why? I think I let them go - gave them away, put in boxes and then donated when I made one of my many many moves - because I thought I was done with them. I didn't understand in my 20's and even my 30's, that I would come back to them. If I was once interested in them, I would be again. I mean, I even went back and reread some of my earliest favourite Harlequin romances - they weren't as good the second time around, and that is the difference between being 13 and 28, I think!! It is like the spiral of psychological/spiritual growth - we finish with a problem, only to find we are dealing with it on a deeper level at another time. So I come back to books I read once, to read them on a deeper level, or from a different perspective or with more wisdom (I hope!) that life has given me.

I'm not talking about revisiting my childhood, or longing for the good old days. I want to read the books again, and see if my experience of them is the same, and what I remember, and if it's still good. I think, now, that because we moved so much through all my childhood and teen years, that I got used to leaving things behind, to getting rid of things if I wasn't actually using them, and I thought this applied to books too. I am beginning to think it doesn't. That for me, I do and will want to reread many of my favourites, and revisit authors I read long ago. So part of my desire to "own so many books my house might explode" isn't a material desire -"she who dies with the most books wins" sort of mentality - it's an understanding of myself that there will come a time when I will want to look at a book again, and I want it on my shelf instead of having to go out and buy it - again. Again being the key word....

So what books are essential in my library? I hear you asking...well, Gentle Reader, every book I've ever loved, ever liked. I do, like Bybee, have an Inner Bookworm, but alas mine isn't cool and tough like hers. Mine is literary and has leanings of pretension *sigh* it thinks I would look good in black and spouting poetry everywhere, and I have to keep convincing my inner Bookworm that I am NOT going back for my Master's and if I ever get published, I will NOT appear in all black and throw in the occasional French word just because I can....this is the same bookworm that wants me to read Jean-Paul Sartre and Goethe and yes, Virginia Woolf....so on occasion, pretentious books find their way on my shelves. I can say happily that Sylvia Plath had nothing to do with this inner bookworm; she belongs to the Dark and dangerous book self that I will deal with in another post (let's say that I understand Sylvia a little too well). I have many selves that have read books in the past - yikes, and that sounds a little like I should have the Three Faces of Eve or Sybil on my bookshelves too! - what I mean is, different books satisfy different parts of my soul. What I am learning is, I will return to those books again, sometime.

So, is this something any of you have experienced? Have your libraries changed over the years? did you ever give a book - or books- away and then find you wanted to read it again later? Have you ever thought you should get rid of some books, only to find you came back to them? I'd be curious to know if any other readers have discovered this tendency too. Maybe I'm the only one who has had to learn the hard way NOT TO GET RID OF BOOKS.

There is getting rid of what I don't need, and then there is living with my soul. So, in my world, I am learning I can never have too many books, to feed my soul and nurture my spirit, to turn to again and see what I loved the first time. Books like Anne of Green Gables, The Diary of Anne Frank, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, these are books I have carried with me almost everywhere I went. I can read and reread them, finding delight and sustenance every time I do. What I am learning is, now that I am in a permanent home, now that I am finally settled, I can let my shelves grow and expand, and among the new books I will buy, will be old favourites that I loved once upon a time. So my shelves will start to represent all of me, my history of books I have loved, over my lifetime. And I think that is what I really want. 20 years from now, I will re-read the books I am reading now, or the best of the ones I am reading now!! and any one I love, stays.

Sunday night....

Because it's late and I am too tired, here is a link to a great site to visit: Endicott Studios has for their Sunday poem, a collection of six Little Red Riding Hood poems. In perfect keeping with the OUaT 2 Challenge we are all doing, and National Poetry Month. Three of my favourite poets are represented there - Anne Sexton, Carol Ann Duffy, and Jeanine Hall Gailey, who I discovered at their site. I love Carol Ann's "Little Red-Cap". And I love Little Riding Hood. One of my favourite horror movies is "The Company of Wolves", based on an Angela Carter short story (about Little Red Riding Hood) which I will be reading in her short story collection "The Bloody Chamber" next month. I've never read it before and am very anxious to get to it. She is my May selection for the birthday challenge, so I have to wait....I adore the artwork Terri Windling showcases on this site, and the book reviews and posts on happenings in the fantasy world make this a must-visit blog for me. I hope you enjoy it too, and find inspiration and good books to read, there!

Meanwhile, I have been busy reading. I finished "Shaman's Crossing" by Robin Hobb. I will be writing a review, hopefully tomorrow. (Loved it, folks, ecstatic fantasy fan here). I started "Suite Francaise" by Irene Nemirovsky this evening, and am having a hard time putting it down. Since I had the same welcome difficulty with Shaman's Crossing, this is delightful!

I have some book reviews to catch up on, and I've been tagged by
Emily to do a meme, and am sorting through various weird things about me to find what i want to make public!!! (How weird am I? stay tuned to find out!) Thanks, Emily! Hers was fun too, so I've linked to her post also so you can go find out how weird and wonderful the book blogging community really is. She's hilarious, which I know I've said before about her.

My husband is currently out of work - between contracts with the government, so it's putting added stress on us here. If I post slightly less in the next while, it's because I'll be reading more, my usual way of dealing with stress. Good for getting through my challenges, though!!!

Happy reading, and remember to read a poem or two for National Poetry month! I figure reading the six on Endicott studios site is an easy way to bring some poetry in!

Oh, and Bloglily gave a beautiful post on libraries yesterday at her fun site Bloglily. I've linked you to it. It's worth reading too. And now it looks like I'll be heading back to the library for a bit, until spouse lands his next contract.....I just hate having to let the books go back to the library! I am so reluctant to take them back out of my house.... I know they're not mine, but I want them to be!!! Then I end up owing late fees (even though we can renew a ridiculous amount of times) because I think i will take them back, but then I am reluctant to go there, or I renew a week after they are due!....but a great resource and a way to try authors and books before buying them. My problem is I like so many books and authors, I want to keep them all! I want my very own library!! there I said it, one weird thing...I want to build my very own Susan's Library..... I think I am a book junkie as well as a book slut!