The handless maiden, or how a fairy tale comes alive

               I don't usually get deeply personal on my blog.  However, this year I have had a deep experience with a fairy tale, which is still moving through my life.  I have been thinking on this for a while, and wanted to share with you one example I have found of a fairy tale being true.  I don't have all the answers for what it means for me, as it's a work in progress currently.  As we go through this Once Upon a Time challenge with Carl, I thought it would be fun to share how powerful fairy tales and myths can be.

 As many of you know, Terri Windling has an amazing blog over at Myth and Moor.  She writes about everything from the daily walks she takes with her family's dog Tilly over the moors near her home, to folk music every Monday, to writing and art, to exploring fairy tales and their meaning.  Last spring, she posted about the fairy tale The Handless Maiden, which I read at some point.  I don't really remember being moved at all, or particularly drawn to this fairy tale, even then.

Then, later last spring, I had a dream. In my dream, Angelina Jolie was cutting my hands off, and I had to have another woman's arms attached.  My family - husband and children, the real ones I live with, not dream ones - were waiting for the new hands to go on.  I was okay with it.  I woke up as the knife cut through my hands.  I wrote it down, which I do when I can remember my dreams, and wondered why Angelina Jolie was in it.   Beauty? She is beautiful.  Intelligent, interesting, yes. I don't watch movie stars though I see all the headlines at the checkout at the grocery store.  Then about a month later, I was thinking about the dream on and off, and something about it finally pinged in me.  Something about my hands.   I went back to reread it. And suddenly I thought, my hands were cut off!  The Armless Maiden!  and I ran back to Terri's blog to read what she had written about it in her post.  This time I went through it more carefully, and I was able to see what my dream was telling me:  my arms were being removed because I need to find a new way to care for myself.  In my dream, another woman's hands (anonymous woman, no one I knew) were being attached.  What I realized in the summer that I needed to do, was to grow my own, again.

For me, this has meant looking at how I care for myself, in almost all aspects of my life.  From getting enough sleep (do I?  don't I?  why or why not?) to how I eat (and I am overweight, I'll be honest here), and why do I eat so much?  When do I eat?  To how I care for myself in other ways: how often do I do things for other people because I should?  What do I really want to do?  Why do I struggle to know what is really true for me?  And almost all of it comes down to me living through other people's rules, which we pick up as we grow up.  It's easy to adopt ways of doing things because that's how they are done.  The real purpose of growing up is to choose a way and a life that is true to me, so that living every day is a reflection of me, and what I value most.

In the fairy tale, the handless maiden wanders until she comes to a dark wood, where she finds an orchard and the trees which bear pears, which she is able to eat off the branch.  I have been eating pears for months now.  Every time I eat one, I think to myself, I am the handless maiden.  What do I need to learn?  How am I caring for myself?  Is this me, or someone else I am doing this for, in my life?  And as I eat the pear, I think of taking its nourishment, which represents the feminine strength, according to Marie-Louise von Franz in the Handless Maiden post.

I am middle-aged, and I would think too old for fairy tales, except fairy tales don't work in our ordinary time.  They come when we are ready for them in our souls.  Being 50 is nothing in fairy tale time.   When I went to Clarissa Pinkola Estes' book Women Who Run With the Wolves, which is like my bible for when it comes to understanding how fairy tales reveal women's souls to us, she says the Handless Maiden tale is for women of all ages.  That the fairy tale is about a voyage undertaken several times during a woman's life, for as she ages and changes, so does how she needs to live  changes. 

Particularly relevant to me in that same post is this passage quoted in the post, from Midori Snyder:
"To follow the example of the armless maiden is an invitation to sever old identities and crippling habits by journeying again and again into the forest. There we may once more encounter emergent selves waiting for us. In the narrative, the Armless Maiden sits on the bank of a rejuvenating lake and learns to caress and care for her child, the physical manifestation of her creative power. Each time we follow the Armless Maiden she brings us face to face with our own creative selves."
As many of you know, I am a writer, and a poet, and have struggled with balancing my family, working full-time, with finding energy to create anything, for most of my adult life.  What this fairy tale is bringing me is the opportunity to create my own life, with writing more central to it.  One of the questions I have also been asking myself this year is, what supports my writing? 

Out of this, I am learning things about myself I didn't know.  I'm looking at how I value my creativity, and what place I give it in my life.  Questions I was afraid of asking before, I'm asking now, because I feel a re-awakening of the pull to write, the call to be conscious that I am a writer, and I write poems, and I need to make a real space for this in my life now.  If I am going to be true to myself, and live a life that fully satisfies me every day, then I need to incorporate space and time to be creative every day.  It sounds simple, and it's a sign of how far I have been from myself, that I have to undo so much unnecessary other things I do that keep me from writing.  Most of these are demands that I place on myself, not other people, though much earlier in my life they were placed on me by others.  Or just rules that I assumed for everyone, or really underneath, the fear of being different, which has haunted me every since grade school, when I didn't want to be different from others, even though I was.  I am still learning how to undo that one!

Fairy tales are real, in a way that our souls recognize, some deep wordless place inside us that is connected to the soul of the world around us.  When I think of my dream, I say to myself," no I don't want another woman's hands, I want to grow my own now."  It's not easy, though it is interesting, and fun, and mysterious.  I don't always like what I find, though I do like that I can be more freer in my life, and recognize what I need to create my art (a little bit, at least, now).  The things I craved - silence, being still, listening, solitude - I am beginning to give to myself more.  I am happy to say that my family are very supportive in this also.  If I'm happy, they are happy!  Just so long as I want to be with them, which I do, and it bothered me that I was always waiting to get some time to myself.  It's tricky, learning to balance everyone's needs, and along the way I put mine lower, at the end of the day, or not at all if we were busy.   I am able to be with them in a truer sense now, not always longing  for the time to be quiet, because I know I already have it.  It's not perfect, I still wrestle with when the best time is to be creative, and long for more time to dream, and wander in nature, and let things come to me. 

Have you ever had a dream that had fairy tale elements in it?  Do you recognize themes in your life that resemble any fairy tale in particular?  Has any fairy tale really resonated with you? 

Carl's Once Upon a Time VIII challenge

    It's here!  It's here!  It's finally here!  Carl's annual Once Upon a Time Challenge, VIII. 

As he writes:  

“Come away, O human child: To the waters and the wild with a fairy, hand in hand, For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.”
~William Butler Yeats

 "It is that voice that beckons us to Middle-earth and Newford, that calls out from the gap in the village of Wall and from the world of London Below. It is the voice that packs so much promise into four little words…
“Once upon a time…”
Perhaps you too have heard that voice whispering on the spring wind, or perhaps Old Man Winter continues to drown out the sound; either way that time has come: Once Upon a Time is here!"
                  

I am going to do Quest the Second:" Read at least one book from each of the four categories. In this quest you will be reading 4 books total: one fantasy, one folklore, one fairy tale, and one mythology. This proves to be one of the more difficult quests each year merely because of the need to classify each read and determine which books fit into which category. I am not a stickler, fear not, but I am endlessly fascinated watching how folks work to find books for each category."
                    
 I am also going to do Quest the Short Story: " This quest involves the reading of one or more short stories that fit within at least one of the four genres during the course of any weekend, or weekends, during the challenge. Ideally you would post about your short story readings on Sundays or Mondays, but this is not strictly necessary."

The books:
 Doll Bones - Holly Black
The Wood Wife - Terri Windling
Dragon Haven - Robin Hobb
London Falling - Paul Cornell
Red Moon - Benjamin Percy
Frost Burned - Patricia Briggs
Moon over Soho - Ben Aaronovitch
The Wise Man's Fear - Patrick Rothfuss
The Raven Boys - Maggie Stiefvater
Under Heaven - Guy Gavriel Kay
And Blue Skies From Pain - Stina Leicht
Ironskin - Tina Connolly
Gossip from the Forest - Sara Maitland
 
Short stories from:
Snow White, Blood Red - ed Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling
 Fairy Tales from the Brothers Grimm - Philip Pullman

The books are a rough list, I may add to it if I come across other books I forgot to add, or that just look interesting.

Some books I read for past OUaT challenges:
This is one of my favourite challenges.  In past years, I have read such wonderful fantasy,dark fantasy, and faerie books as:
Of Blood and Honey - Stina Leicht, review here
some fairy lore from The Lore of Scotland, here;
A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray, review here
Forests of the Heart by Charles de Lint, review here;
A Madness of Angels by Kate Griffin, review here ;
The Face in the Frost - John Bellairs,  The Godstalker Chronicles - P.C. Hodge, Jack the Giant Killer and Drink Down the Moon - Charles De Lint,  Bone Crossed - Patricia Briggs, Tooth and Claw - Jo Walton - all reviewed here;
 Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, reviewed here;

I also came across a post I did in 2009, during that year's Once Upon a Time Challenge. It was for science fiction and fantasy day, and talks about why we read fantasy.  I thought it would be timely to link to here.   I also found a post I did on one of the essays in Ursula K LeGuin's book The Language of the Night, linked here.  Her book is all about fantasy, and why we need it.  Indispensible, and if you are looking for something to challenge you during this challenge, to help you sort through why you love fantasy so much (because so many people still think fantasy is a genre that is barely decent and certainly not literature), then this book will help you see how honourable fantasy books really are.  We do need them.

  If you read fantasy, do you have any thoughts on why you enjoy it so much?  Is it the fairies that intrigue you, myths coming to life, or the incredible range of story types available?  Do you like paranormal romances, vampire fiction, werewolves, derring do adventures, hobbits, elves?  Magic?  Trolls and goblins and dangerous things in the shadows?  Fantasy has all of these.  There is something in fantasy writing that reaches to our wordless selves that understand some things are beyond word knowing.    We know fairy tales are true, even if we don't quite know how we do.  Fantasy books enrich our imaginations, giving voice to our fears and dreams, and showing us ways to survive and avoid dangers.

I hope you have a wonderful fantasy reading challenge, my dear readers.   Thank you to Carl for once again hosting it!

Jane, Carl's challenge, and animal encounters

  I have to thank Stefanie over at So Many Books blog for this:  she linked to the Jane Austen action figure, in her post on March 13.   I have to say, I did not know that there was a Jane Austen action figure in existence.  And now I want it.  She even has a quill pen in her hand!  And a book!  Tell me you don't think that this would look perfect on your bookshelf......did I say that out loud?   *sh-h*

I will be doing my post tomorrow (ok, today, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still Saturday in my mind), for Carl's Once Upon a Time VIII challenge.  It's finally here!  I have to make my pile of books first, and decide which part of the challenge I want.  I love the poster: 

It is so beautiful. I'd love a copy to hang on my wall.  It captures the idea of fantasy perfectly.  And there's NO SNOW in the painting!  I will be back tomorrow (later today!) with my sign-up post and possible books. 

Happy (not) spring in Ottawa:
In the meantime:  it is still winter here.  Today we had 10 cm of snow fall, and now the temperature is plunging.  It will plunge further tomorrow night.  I have a dentist appointment Monday morning.  I'm not sure in what universe I thought booking a dental appointment on a Monday morning was a good idea, but it wasn't this one.  Plus, now we might set a record low temperature (for that day) of -20c.  Plus I have had a sinus infection for weeks now, and why oh why did I not think to cancel the appointment?  My upper teeth are sensitive without the addition of the infection.....I put it down to be chronically tired this winter, from being sick through it all.  I apologize, I don't mean to be whiny,  I wanted to explain exactly why I dread the dentist on Monday, and why my blogging has been spotty this month.  Winter just won't let up, so I've been burying myself in books (very good) and not getting out to walk (very bad).  The winter grumpies are hitting everyone here in Ottawa this month.  Blogging takes too much energy when it's all I can do to drag myself to work and home again.  I know that if Spring comes, I will feel better!  and I can get outside to hear the birds singing and watch the green come in and feel the sun on my face.....

I hope you are feeling spring-like temperatures and watching green spring up wherever you are.  Some day it has to get warm enough that I can stop wearing my winter coat and boots. 

Animals and myths and fantasy
One last thing:  over at Terri Windling's blog, she has a lovely post up about animal encounters, and what they can mean, in fairy tale, fantasy and myth.  This is a good way to segue into Carl's fantasy reading challenge.  The mysterious, the fantasy, the fairies, are all around us.  What animal encounters have you had lately?   Do you like to wander over fields or by water, do you cross streams, or walk through parks, wildish places?  All these are places for encounters with the unworldly, with the spirits, and also with the creatures that share this planet with us.  The woman in the painting for Carl's challenge has a crane with her. Do you have a special animal that you are connecting with this spring?  For me, it's been rabbits; for the past year or two I have been seeing them almost everywhere I walk.  I love bunnies, and I'm always surprised and delighted when I see them.  Because I often walk at dusk, or dawn on summer mornings when it's too hot to walk anywhere else, I am out and about when the rabbits are eating.  They also come out when I'm on benches at the park in midday, too, and are often on the edges of the park when I cross the Alexandra Bridge (one of four bridges connecting Ottawa to Gatineau across the Ottawa River) to Ottawa, in the early evening (around 6 pm).  I have started to pay attention to them, as I've been seeing so many over the 8 months of the year that we don't have snow.  They symbolize creativity, fertility, and fear.  All of which I have been wrestling with for the past couple of years.    This is how fantasy and myth intersect with real life, how we take in the world around us, by noticing that which is around us, and how we create stories and create or find meaning  in it. Terri and her horses, I and my rabbits, and herons, and cardinals, and even the occasional snake crossing my path.  This is also where fantasy begins......

Some of the more famous books with rabbits or hares in them are Alice in Wonderland, which  has the most famous rabbit of all, the Mad Hatter. There is also Peter Rabbit, and Flopsy bunny (and all the other bunnies) of the Beatrix Potter books.  Watership Down, of course, which I read many years ago, and loved.  What else, though? Like with Terri Windling and her ponies she sees around her valley, what animals come to you?  Do you have a favourite fantasy tale in which they appear?

RMR: Seven Day Forecast - Canadian humour at its best

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  I am long overdue for a book post here.  Today though, I am posting the above you tube link, because it is hilarious, and exactly what every one of us over here in Ottawa, Ontario and Canada are feeling this morning. On  a morning when it was -18c, -28c in the wind, again, with fresh snow on the ground, and more to come tomorrow, Rick Mercer has found a way to make me laugh.  So, enjoy, and I will be back when I am not in such a grumpy mood over our never-ending winter.

 By the way, for those not familiar with our comedians, Rick Mercer is one of Canada's best-known and beloved comedians and commentators.  He has a weekly half-hour show (The Rick Mercer Report), where he explores some part of Canadian life, does wry, witty commercials like the one above, and has his political rant for the week.  The Weather Network is also one of the most popular channels on tv in Canada, and everyone watches it to see what the weather is going to be like.  We do often joke that the 7 day look ahead forecast changes hourly!!!

"My Dear Cassandra" Jane Austen, Letters to her sister

                                                 

 
 My Dear Cassandra by Jane Austen , Letters to her sister, edited by Penelope Hughes-Hallett.  This book came to my attention because of Geranium Cat's post back in December, here. As soon as I read up on the book and saw that it included illustrations, paintings, little facts about the time in which Austen lived, I was hooked.  I had to have this book.  And I am happy to report that it doesn't disappoint.

On the contrary, the letters that Penelope Hughes-Hallett selected show off Jane's wit,  her kindness, her love for her family, her joy in simple things.  The book starts slowly as Jane only started writing letters when her sister Cassandra left the family home when Jane was 20.  Cassandra was the elder, and went to live with various people over the course of her life, seldom returning home except for visits.  In 1796, then, is Jane's first letter to her sister.  She was 20 years old.  The letters then follow Jane from Steventon Rectory, to Bath, to Portsmouth, to the final years back near Chawton where her elder brother had his family home.  We see Jane mature through her own eyes, in the lightness of the first letters, then the seriousness as her father's ill health and death changes her family circumstances, to the eventual home they find in Chawton, back in the countryside she loved.  The novels she was writing make little appearances, in comments she makes, or dialogues between letters about the progress of such.  Her family were very involved in her writing, supporting her, and participating when she read them allowed to her family as they progressed.

Interspersed are paintings from artists and sketches of the day, that show the areas in which Jane lived, clothing, transportation, social expectations, food.  It is a delightful way of recreating the world in which Jane lived, and a glimpse of how she as a writer took what was around her and created her books from.

I came to feel as if I had a glimpse of Jane herself - just a tiny glimpse, a trace of her, in her letters.  When  I would take a break from reading it, so I could savour what I was learning in the periods of letters about her relationships with the people around her, I felt - civilized.  There is so much gentleness in these letters. She could be very cutting, and if she had been a different kind of person, very cruel, but she wasn't.  Jane Austen was - or chose to be - overall, kind.  There is a gentleness to this book that made me realize that it is a tone that is lost for the most part in our world today.  Jane doesn't gloss over death, or sadness, nor does she dwell on it.  Most of her letters were like conversations she was continuing with people she had just spent time with, or that were from letters she had just received.  It would seem all one-sided if not for the fact that Jane doesn't dwell on herself,either.  She is interested in the world around her, in the life and running of her home, in how her relatives are doing, and in her writing, her novels. We get to see how she made fun of many things, turning what could be serious or pedantic thoughts, to wit and humour, to make her point.  She enjoyed outings, but began to find social gatherings tiring as she got older.  She offers advise to her nieces on marriage, and likes to go shopping for cloth for dresses.  She takes lots of walks when she can, which in those days was the main form of exercise for women. 

There are a few letters from other people at the end, when Jane dies.  I didn't think I was so deeply involved in the letters and following them, and seeing the glimpse of Jane in them, until I read Cassandra's letter to her niece Fanny Knight, telling her of the day Jane died.  I ended up crying at my kitchen table, in the middle of the afternoon, feeling the loss of Jane Austen from 200 years ago. 

These letters give a poignant glimpse of her and her family. This book is like a window opening into Jane and the world in which she lived, and it is a treasure.  I loved this book and I highly recommend it.  A must read for Jane fans, definitely.  

Emily of New Moon trilogy book covers and book cover art

      Ana at Things Mean Alot book blog has a fantastic post up today about the Emily of New Moon trilogy by Canadian author Lucy Maud Montgomery: Emily of New Moon, Emily Climbs, and Emily's Quest.  Ana gives a in-depth review of the three books that I want to share with you all because Ana shows just why these books were ahead of their time, in how Emily is portrayed, and the choices she makes.  When I read the books as a child - they are among my favourite books growing up - I loved them because Emily stays with her dream of writing.  Ana shows how this still makes the books strong reading for girls today, almost 100 years later. The cultural values versus art and the freedom to choose one's destiny, a powerful message even today.  Maybe always, for women, and for artists and creative endeavors.  Her post also shows why some day I expect to see all her posts collected in a book  - and which I will buy, to go back over and reread and learn something every time.  

What hit home to me too, other than Ana's powerful, thoughtful review  were the covers of the new Vintage editions of the books on her post.  They are delightful.  I wouldn't mind getting a copy of these to have on my shelf.  But as I was looking at them, I very much wanted to show to Ana the editions of the books that I read when I was a girl, growing up.  These covers made such a strong imprint on me that to me, they are the covers of Emily of New Moon, Emily Climbs, and Emily's Quest.  So, here they are:

                                                      

 I'm sorry for the covers, they are the best I can find online.   I do not have copies now to take pictures myself for you.  Looks like I will be buying some now, these have evoked such a strong memory in me today.
  
What I wanted to say was how powerful the memory is with these covers associated with these books for me.  I read these books when I was young, about 12 and 13 years old.  I loved them fiercely, and Emily was  a role model for me in my own struggles to believe in myself as a writer and to not give up. Her struggles were my struggles, though ironically Emily Starr had much for belief in herself which I am only now recovering for myself.

 In today's world, with kobo and e-readers, I wonder how much we will remember of books we read online, in 10 or 20 years' time because of the lack of presence of the book, including especially the cover.  For me, a book is associated with smell, texture, colour, the cover, the art on the cover,  the pages, the feel of the pages, the print size - everything that goes into making that book, touches all five of my senses.  It is a real physical experience for me to read.

 I have a kindle e-reader finally installed on my computer, and have 4 books on it now to read,  that aren't available in any other form.  I am learning how to read on my e-reader, though I have to remember that I have books on my computer, which I still don't often do.   I do have to say though, that I think I am realizing because of the e reader that I need that physical presence of the book, the feel of it, the weight of it, in my hands, to make it become a part of me.

 I really want to talk about book covers, and book art, and how much they matter in how a book impacts on us as readers.  I have to admit here that a book cover does affect if I will buy a book or not.  I have bought books in spite of the cover, because I desperately wanted to read them, but an element of pleasure is missing because I don't enjoy the cover.  I am always relieved when I can find the book in a cover I like and can replace the ugly one!  It might be me, but that's how I am with books.  There is an intense pleasure I have with them, and these striking 1970's art covers from McLelland and Stewart are covers that are indelibly imprinted on my mind.  They and Emily go together for me.

So the cover, the art on the front cover, is a part of the book experience.  I wonder what the changes in the covers mean over the years?  Just googling Emily of New Moon book covers was eye-opening.  There have been so many different editions of the Emily books, and each cover reveals something of what the publisher thought would appeal to readers of that day.  It is quite eye-opening to see the changes.  One day I might do a post about the cultural changes revealed, but it's late already, and I think I want to do a better post when I am not so late at night.  Or maybe Ana could do another brilliant post on such a topic.....

Do you have book art that affects you this way?  Do you respond to the covers of books?  Does it matter which edition you read?  And do you have childhood favourites, or favourite books in general, that you must have in a certain edition?  I'm really curious how the experience of reading and books and cover art affects you, so please let me know in the comments, or better yet, write a post, and let me know.  I'd love to know if I am the only one who gets pleasure out of looking at the covers of books as well as reading them. 

PS If anyone knows who the artist is who did these covers, I'd love to know.  I've tried looking and no information is available. 

A very long time ago on this blog, I posted about the first book in the series, Emily of New Moon, here, when I reread for the Canadian Book Challenge.

problems leaving comments on wordpress blogs

    I have been trying to leave comments on several book blogs that I love visiting, but wordpress is not letting me leaving comments.  I can write them, but they don't end up on the post.  Does anyone have any suggestion for what I can do?  Is anyone else having this problem?